CrystalsBonusAndReviews

This movie is clear proof that you don’t mess with a classic. It sucked to the highest point of suckticity! I hated it! I was a horror movie with no horror just horrible. Jackey Earle Haley has some pretty big shoes to fill playing Freddy Krueger and for me he failed miserably. His version of Freddy had no personality. Robert Englund was the original Freddy and the best by far. He really brought the character to life and Jackie Earle Haley didn’t. The Freddy Krueger character is supposed to be a trip, but this Freddy is a drip. I didn’t flinch or jump once during the film. For a horror film it did not deliver. The synopsis of the film is still basically the same. Freddy kills the kids on Elm Street in their dreams and when he does they die for real.

I won’t say the entire movie was awful. There were some interesting moments. The scene where the police show up and arrest Jesse is very interesting because a couple of the guys Pete Kelly and Jason Brandstetter of the security team from the Jerry Springer Show play the Cops. This is the only pleasant surprise of the entire movie.

The special effects were weak. The original film is much better. I wouldn’t even waste my money on the DVD. I was not impressed or grossed out at all. It was a total disappointment from the opening scene to the ending scene. The best part of the film was when it was over. I am giving it 0 out of 5 popcorn bags. I tried to give it at least 1 popcorn bag because of the Jerry Springer guys Pete and Jason, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.

Hell hath no fury than an animal scorned! The animals of the forest led by one angry raccoon are at war with the humans. Brendan Fraser plays Dan Sanders, who works for a development company that wants to destroy the forest and replace it with more suburbs. Dan moves his family to the new community so he can be closer to his job of heading the project. Brooke Shields plays his wife Tammy Sanders and Matt Prokop plays his son Tyler Sanders. There are a lot of funny moments in this film. The scene with the skunks is hilarious. These animals are ticked off and they are not going to take anymore. They attack Dan Sanders because he is over the project and they blame him. They run him off the road and over a cliff. They even invade his home and prevent him from sleeping. The scene with the crow tapping on his window is very funny.

He is the only one that sees what the animals are up to, so his family thinks he’s nuts. It is definitely a kid’s movie. The special effects aren’t that impressive and the plot of the movie is weak at best. They could have done more with the animals to make their characters more unforgettable. Talking animals would have made it a lot more interesting. The most memorable scenes are when the animals were partying. My favorite scene was towards the end when the animals attack the forest festival and the raccoon shakes his little finger like “I don’t think so!”

If you have kids they will like this movie. I wouldn’t waste my money seeing it at the show, but instead I would wait for the DVD. I am giving this 2 out of 5 popcorn bags.

“The Losers” is a winner! It can proudly take its place with other comics brought to movies. This movie has action, humor and more action. Jeffrey Dean Morgan heads this all star cast consisting of Zoe Saldana, Columbus Short, Chris Evans, Idris Elba, Oscar Jaenada and Jason Patric as the ruthless villain Max. Under the direction of Sylvain White all the actors deliver good performances.  The movie opens where Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s character Clay and his CIA Black Ops Unit are on a mission in Bolivia. They have orders to go in kill their target and get out. Things do not go as planned because while inside they find some children. They know they have to get them to safety. They accomplish this and get their target. They get the children into the chopper and it is blown out of the sky by the ruthless Max.

Clay feels responsible for their deaths and he vows to get revenge for them. Max then tries to kill Clay and his unit. They survive the attack, but they must make everyone believe they are dead. So, they have to start over in Bolivia that is until Zoe Saldana’s character Aisha shows up with an offer they can’t refuse. The scene where Aisha and Clay are fighting in a hotel room is pointless and makes no sense. I thought it was a complete waste of time.

The rest of the movie rocks! Chris Evans is awesome as Jensen the computer geek of the crew. The scene in the office building is hilarious as Jensen shows off his gun slinging abilities with the help of Oscar Jaenada’s character Cougar. Idris Elba plays Roque and he is definitely one to watch. Columbus Short is adorable as Pooch. I really liked this movie. I am giving it 4 out of 5 popcorn bags.

Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock are hilarious in this remake of the Frank Oz dark comedy “Death at a Funeral.” Under the direction of Neil LaBute this all star cast consisting of Tracy Morgan, Loretta Devine, Luke Wilson, Columbus Short, Danny Glover, Ron Glass, Regina Hall, Zoe Saldana, James Marsden, Keith David, Kevin Hart and Peter Dinkage all deliver very humorous performances. Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock play brothers Aaron and Ryan. The sibling rivalry between these two is strong. Aaron is the responsible one, while Ryan is considered the successful one in the family because he is a published Arthur. The laughs are nonstop from the moment the Funeral Director played by Kevin Hart wheels in the deceased until the funeral is finally over. This is one funeral you don’t want to miss.

There is nothing more common than a family coming together to say goodbye to a dearly departed loved one. Normal funerals usually proceed with no extraordinary problems. This family puts the “fun” in dysfunctional.  This funeral goes wrong from the opening scene when Aaron opens the casket to find the occupant is not his father. The Funeral Director has to go search for his missing father’s body. A couple hours later he is found and all is well for the moment. Many hilarious events soon follow. Their goal becomes trying to make it through the day.

Danny Glover is funny as Uncle Russell, who is a grumpy old man that loves to pick on Tracy Morgan’s character Norman. The scene where Norman takes Russell to the bathroom is hilarious! The laughs don’t stop. You’ll laugh so hard you’ll cry. Everyone should attend this wacky funeral. You will laugh until you cry!  I am giving it 5 out of 5 popcorn bags.

This movie definitely lives up to its name. It is totally kick ass! Dave Lizewski played by Aaron Johnson is a typical teenage boy. He has many hopes and dreams. One of his dreams is to be a Super Hero, so he decides to make his dream come true. He orders a costume and becomes “Kick Ass,” a crime fighting super hero. Dave is tired of being a crime victim as well as a victim. He and his friends get bullied and robbed on a daily basis and he is fed up. At first he walks the streets looking for people to help. One night he gets his chance. A gang of thugs are chasing another guy with the intention of beating him up. Kick Ass intervenes and there are people there watching the whole thing. Kick Ass takes on all three thugs. People are amazed and video of the incident begin to pop up all over the news as well as the internet. The City goes crazy with Kick Ass mania.

His popularity begins to draw the attention of two other Super Heroes, Big Daddy played by Nicholas Cage and Hit Girl played by Chloe Moretz. They are a Father and Daughter on a mission to avenge the wrong done to them by a Mob Boss named Frank D’Amico played by Mark Strong. His son played by Christopher Mintz-Plasse wants to prove himself to his father and show him that he can handle the family business.

There is a lot of action in this movie. The special effects and stunts are awesome. It is completely entertaining. This movie will appeal to both the young and old. Everyone should see this movie! It is awesomely kick ass! I am giving it 5 out of 5 popcorn bags.